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Jan. 9, 2025

880. Forgive yourself over, and over, and over." Epictetus

880. Forgive yourself over, and over, and over.

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I don't think we truly know (nor were taught) how to for-give ourselves. 

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Keep it simple. Keep it moving. Never settle. Stay tough. 

Transcript
WEBVTT

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All right.

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3, 2, 1.

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Let's get it.

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Welcome back to what's your problem.

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The podcast.

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Podcast.

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I'm your host marsh BICE.

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Today I want to talk about the art of forgiving yourself.

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Inspired by the The Art Of Living I love that title.

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The art life is art.

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The Art Of Living by Epictetus.

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. And I want to share.

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Share his insights specifically.

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From page 99 of his work.

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And this is going to be a two-part.

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Part series because on this one page, are two different thoughts that I want to run with, but I don't want to muddle them together.

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So I'm going to separate these two out.

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So here's what he writes.

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" Try to be as kind to yourself as possible.

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Do not measure yourself against others.

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Or even against your ideal self." Now, let me break this down because.

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Honestly.

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As I was writing this this morning.

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I don't think that most of us really know.

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Nor were taught how to forgive ourselves.

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or even truly.

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Truly.

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What that means.

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Epictetus starts with.

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Be kind to yourself.

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Think about that.

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If you treat.

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The others, the way that you treat yourself.

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You probably wouldn't have any friends.

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Your family wouldn't stick around.

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And you wouldn't even have a job.

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The truth is.

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We are our own harshest.

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critics.

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You don't need any more.

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Enemies.

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In that three.

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The pounds.

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That's sitting on your neck right now.

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That's that brain that mine works against.

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I just talked about this.

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I want a recent episode about the battlefield.

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Of the mind.

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Joyce Meyer.

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I wrote a whole book about that.

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It's so true.

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Oh, man, it's a.

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Constant war.

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That we wage.

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The way we talk to ourselves.

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The way we beat ourselves up over every little mistake.

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Dude, if somebody did that to you, one of your friends, one of your family members, they just constantly beat you up.

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About all.

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of your little miscues, all of your mistakes.

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You wouldn't even allow.

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them into your life.

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Yet you accept it from yourself.

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So here's the first point that I want to make.

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Give yourself some grace.

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The same kindness.

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That you.

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You would give to someone that you care about.

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Epictetus continues.

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Do not measure yourself against others.

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I love the word measure here.

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Because when you measure something, it's specific.

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And the problem with measuring yourself against others.

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Is that it's never accurate.

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Sometimes we measure ourselves against people who have less.

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Than we do.

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And that can make us feel.

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upity smug complacent.

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Like we're doing just fine.

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And that's what leads to complacency.

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And other times.

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We compare ourselves to people who seem to have everything.

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You know, The perfect job, the perfect body.

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The perfect life.

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And that can leave us feeling.

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Small.

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Inadequate.

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Like life just passed us by.

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You got to remember, man, everybody is on a different incline in life.

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Some people have advantages that you don't.

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But also remember this.

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You have advantages that they don't.

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We get so locked in to what others have.

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That we forget to acknowledge our own unique strengths.

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Abilities.

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And talents.

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So just take a step back.

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stop measuring yourself.

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Instead notice the differences in the similarities in others.

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Maybe you see someone who possesses a skill that you admire.

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Good news is you can get better at that skill.

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Or maybe you realize that you're on the right track.

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Good.

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Either way, focus on playing your game.

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And keep it super, super simple.

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Epictetus also warns us not to measure ourselves against.

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our ideal self- I love this.

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And here's, what's key about writing some of this stuff out when you write this.

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what you read and what you write.

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Maybe two totally different things.

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So when you read this passage and then you write it when you write it, not type it, when you write it.

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You actually see the words different.

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You digest them differently.

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Your perspective is different because you're spelling out the word, you pick up the pen and you're like, wait a minute.

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So I'd read this, but then I'm like, man, I love this whole passage.

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So let me write it out.

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I wrote it out.

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And I totally missed what I read.

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I read.

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the part, don't measure yourself against others, but I missed the part.

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Don't measure yourself.

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Against your ideal self.

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I get it.

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Ideally.

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You want to be fitter, richer, smarter, and further along in life.

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Who the doesn't?

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You've got this mental picture.

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of how life would look if you had it all together.

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But here's the thing.

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You're never going to have it all together.

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Because life.

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Is constantly evolving.

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You just got to play the game.

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You're exactly where you need to be right now.

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But you don't need to say there.

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So your ideal.

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self.

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The fitter richer, smarter, further along in life.

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mental Image that you have of yourself.

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Good.

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That gives you a direction.

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But it's not a destination.

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Progress is gradual.

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Epictetus even says that he says "Human betterment.

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Is gradual.

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Two steps forward.

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and, one step back in effort.

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And some days, bro, it's going to be the other way around.

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Some days is going to be one step forward.

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And two steps back.

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It's just part of it.

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You just got to ask yourself, did you play the game today?

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Did you give your all out effort?

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Not holding anything back.

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Did you move the needle even just a little bit.

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That's all that counts.

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Progress.

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Isn't always about results.

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Some outcomes are going to be big wins.

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Other outcomes.

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You're going to be able to recognize.

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What you lack in experience and maturity.

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So sometimes at two steps back, It's really, it's a protection mechanism.

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It protects you.

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It says you're not quite there because if I advanced you right now, You could blow this thing up.

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So, let me hold you back a little bit.

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Get your skill set.

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Get your experience, get some more maturity about you.

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And then keep going.

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Just keep pushing forward.

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Be a little bit better than you were yesterday.

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I know it sounds so cliche to say, but it's truly, truly the case.

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Am I better than I was yesterday.

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And if you weren't the answer's.

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Yes.

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Good.

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You move the needle.

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If the answer's no.

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Okay, what can you learn from it?

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Either way.

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You got to keep moving forward.

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And finally Epictetus wraps it up with this.

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"Forgive yourself over and over and over.

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again.

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Then try to do better next time." I love that.

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I love that.

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And I think it's specifically why he wrote.

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Forgive yourself over and over and over seemed a little excessive when you say it like that, right?

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That's what it's supposed to be.

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Because forgiving yourself doesn't mean letting yourself off the hook.

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It means that you free yourself.

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That's what forgiveness, the four ideal letters, in forgiveness.

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are F R E E.

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You got to free yourself.

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Look at the word for-give.

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"For" means in favor of . "Give" means to hand over.

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So forgiveness is about handing over your mistakes.

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With no strings attached.

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Just hand it over.

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I mean, think about it like this.

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If you gave someone a gift.

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You don't have any strings attached, you gave it freely willingly.

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Boom here.

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You didn't call him next Christmas.

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Say like, Hey man, that gift I gave you last year, you think.

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you think.

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I can get that back?

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No.

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You gave it freely- no strings attached.

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Now think about that in your own life.

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How many strings.

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Are you holding on to.

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The strings that are tied to.

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your mistakes, your misfires.

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You're blowups.

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You're jealous moments.

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And your spiteful actions.

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It's those strings.

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That are keeping you stuck.

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They weigh you down.

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And they don't just come from how you view yourself.

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They're also tied to others.

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That you haven't forgiven.

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And I am going to dig into that in another episode.

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That's a whole nother thing.

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So for now.

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Start with yourself.

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Forgive your mistakes.

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Over.

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And over and Over.

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Hand them over.

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No strings attached.

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Remember progress is gradual.

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Two steps forward.

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One step back.

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Just try to do better next time.

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All right.

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You got to remember this man you're still in the game.

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The only ones that are out of time.

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Or the people in the graveyards.

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That's the only ones.

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The rest of us, there's always next.

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Just do better.

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You never run out of options.

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People run out of belief.

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And they feel like they have no options to show up.

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Just do better.

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With no strings attached.

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All right, let's get out of here.

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Please share this episode with someone who needs it.

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As always keep it.

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simple.

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Keep it moving.

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Never settle, state tough peace.