Dec. 28, 2024
876. Happiness and Suffering : Why They Must Coexist.
In this episode, I explore the profound relationship between happiness and suffering—two forces that aren’t opposites but deeply intertwined. Drawing inspiration from James Clear’s Atomic Habits and my reflections, I uncover why happiness isn’t a permanent state but a fleeting mile marker on life’s journey.
I discuss how suffering when approached productively, becomes the driving force behind growth, discipline, and fulfillment. You’ll hear why chasing effort, not results, is the key to lasting contentment and how perfect effort—not perfect results—leads to meaningful progress.
If you’ve ever wondered why happiness feels so temporary or why challenges often reveal moments of joy in hindsight, this episode is for you.
Discover how embracing happiness and suffering can transform your journey and lead a more fulfilling life.
This version personalizes the description and aligns it with a solo podcast style.
📣Who needs to hear this episode? Share it and help grow the show.
🛑 Watch & subscribe to episodes on my YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiNqFo05MJ6_yCu1vJ3rX4A
📝Leave a quick rating and review for any platform: https://www.marshbuice.com/reviews/new/
📲Share: https://www.marshbuice.com/episodes/
🤝See my daily stories: https://www.instagram.com/marshbuice/
👩💻 FREE Content! www.marshbuice.com
Keep it simple. Keep it moving. Never settle. Stay tough.
Transcript
WEBVTT
00:00:00.479 --> 00:00:00.750
All right.
00:00:00.750 --> 00:00:01.350
3, 2, 1.
00:00:01.350 --> 00:00:01.889
Let's get it.
00:00:01.889 --> 00:00:05.339
Welcome back to "What's Your Problem?" the podcast and today.
00:00:05.820 --> 00:00:08.189
I want to talk about something that's been on my mind.
00:00:08.699 --> 00:00:14.878
And it's a concept that I've been reflecting on after revisiting James Clear's book, Atomic Habits.
00:00:15.208 --> 00:00:18.480
I've read the book many times, but I think it's just one of those books where.
00:00:19.109 --> 00:00:22.109
You just, you need to pick a chapter from time to time.
00:00:22.109 --> 00:00:23.519
man and just dive into it.
00:00:24.298 --> 00:00:27.449
And what's interesting is I got to the end of the book.
00:00:27.989 --> 00:00:33.359
I just cracked it open to the end and there's some appendix back there.
00:00:33.840 --> 00:00:38.729
That are for some additional thoughts that are a part of the big book itself.
00:00:39.539 --> 00:00:40.859
And what I thumbed to to.
00:00:41.579 --> 00:00:43.350
Was about happiness.
00:00:43.829 --> 00:00:44.729
And suffering.
00:00:46.439 --> 00:00:48.630
And why these two aren't opposites.
00:00:49.499 --> 00:00:51.600
But they're actually deeply intertwined.
00:00:52.889 --> 00:00:54.299
Happiness and suffering.
00:00:54.659 --> 00:00:56.369
Or not two sides of the coin.
00:00:57.359 --> 00:00:58.918
They're actually on the same side.
00:01:00.119 --> 00:01:01.829
So let's dive in.
00:01:02.939 --> 00:01:06.719
Because if you've ever wondered why happiness feels so fleeting.
00:01:08.108 --> 00:01:12.000
or why challenges often lead to moments of clarity and joy.
00:01:13.319 --> 00:01:14.879
This is going to be a good episode for you.
00:01:16.259 --> 00:01:21.328
So first let's talk about the source of unhappiness and think about this for a moment.
00:01:21.900 --> 00:01:23.099
When you're unhappy.
00:01:23.849 --> 00:01:26.519
It's rarely because of the result itself.
00:01:27.418 --> 00:01:28.828
It's not the credit card debt.
00:01:29.129 --> 00:01:31.319
Or the love handles that make you unhappy.
00:01:31.948 --> 00:01:34.978
It's the inaction that led to those results.
00:01:35.430 --> 00:01:37.319
The real dissatisfaction.
00:01:38.069 --> 00:01:40.828
Comes from knowing that you didn't take the steps needed.
00:01:41.459 --> 00:01:42.418
To prevent them.
00:01:42.989 --> 00:01:43.769
I mean, think about that.
00:01:44.459 --> 00:01:47.310
You think in this current state of unhappiness?
00:01:47.819 --> 00:01:48.930
It's this moment.
00:01:50.578 --> 00:01:51.900
I've put on too much weight.
00:01:52.829 --> 00:01:54.120
My credit cards are maxed out.
00:01:54.659 --> 00:01:58.829
And you think it's that that's not the source of your happiness.
00:01:59.219 --> 00:02:01.349
It's everything that led up to that.
00:02:02.500 --> 00:02:04.090
And this is where suffering.
00:02:04.689 --> 00:02:05.680
Productively.
00:02:06.340 --> 00:02:07.478
Comes into play for you.
00:02:08.139 --> 00:02:09.788
Because a form of suffering.
00:02:10.419 --> 00:02:12.550
Is confronting who you are.
00:02:13.180 --> 00:02:14.830
And what you do every single day.
00:02:15.400 --> 00:02:17.439
It's why confrontation is so key.
00:02:17.439 --> 00:02:19.539
It's one of the five life skills.
00:02:19.960 --> 00:02:21.250
That you must develop.
00:02:21.699 --> 00:02:24.669
That is the framework for what's your problem?
00:02:25.060 --> 00:02:30.280
Communication curiosity, creativity, continuous learning, and action and productive confrontation.
00:02:31.240 --> 00:02:33.849
So a productive form of suffering.
00:02:34.270 --> 00:02:37.270
Is confronting who you are and what you do.
00:02:37.990 --> 00:02:38.919
Every single day.
00:02:39.819 --> 00:02:41.740
And it's holding yourself accountable.
00:02:42.550 --> 00:02:44.349
Being honest about your choices.
00:02:45.250 --> 00:02:47.139
And doing what's necessary to grow.
00:02:48.310 --> 00:02:53.199
This kind of suffering isn't destructive, most people think of suffering as destructive.
00:02:53.560 --> 00:02:56.439
This kind of suffering is not destructive at all.
00:02:56.949 --> 00:02:58.359
It's really productive.
00:02:58.959 --> 00:03:02.289
Because it's going to create this productive tension.
00:03:02.979 --> 00:03:04.419
And it's that tension.
00:03:05.199 --> 00:03:06.609
That drives the progress.
00:03:08.379 --> 00:03:09.519
Now on the other side.
00:03:10.479 --> 00:03:13.149
You got to realize I'm learning this.
00:03:13.959 --> 00:03:15.069
That happiness.
00:03:15.399 --> 00:03:16.868
Isn't a permanent state.
00:03:17.799 --> 00:03:19.060
It's fleeting by nature.
00:03:19.959 --> 00:03:20.618
And that's okay.
00:03:21.549 --> 00:03:23.169
It's more so like a pulse.
00:03:25.038 --> 00:03:27.468
Happiness should be a temporary comfort.
00:03:28.338 --> 00:03:28.579
More.
00:03:28.579 --> 00:03:29.929
So like a rest area.
00:03:30.709 --> 00:03:31.908
Not a vacation spot.
00:03:33.209 --> 00:03:37.258
And so when you see happiness as temporary, you stop.
00:03:37.588 --> 00:03:38.489
You reflect.
00:03:38.878 --> 00:03:39.868
You recharge.
00:03:40.919 --> 00:03:42.568
And then you lace up and you keep going.
00:03:43.908 --> 00:03:44.959
Treating happiness.
00:03:45.949 --> 00:03:47.868
Like a permanent vacation spot.
00:03:49.368 --> 00:03:50.868
That's going to lead to complacency.
00:03:52.169 --> 00:03:53.459
So here's a shift.
00:03:54.269 --> 00:03:56.879
In perspective that has really helped me.
00:03:57.569 --> 00:03:59.429
Chase the effort, not the results.
00:03:59.908 --> 00:04:00.989
Results are fleeting.
00:04:01.468 --> 00:04:03.989
They're going to come and go, but the effort.
00:04:04.379 --> 00:04:08.098
The energy, the discipline that you put into meaningful actions.
00:04:08.908 --> 00:04:11.069
That's what is that's what's going to sustain you.
00:04:11.368 --> 00:04:13.019
Happiness is perfect effort.
00:04:13.739 --> 00:04:15.209
Without an attachment.
00:04:15.838 --> 00:04:17.699
To needing perfect results.
00:04:17.908 --> 00:04:21.358
And when I say perfect effort, I don't mean.
00:04:22.108 --> 00:04:23.819
That it's going to be a 10.
00:04:24.298 --> 00:04:25.259
I just mean that.
00:04:25.288 --> 00:04:26.009
Perfect.
00:04:26.309 --> 00:04:30.379
Means that you go all chips in you don't pull your punch.
00:04:30.680 --> 00:04:31.250
You don't.
00:04:31.579 --> 00:04:36.649
Pull back some of your energy, you don't worry about the results, chase the effort, not the results.
00:04:36.769 --> 00:04:39.108
So you just, you go head first in.
00:04:40.209 --> 00:04:42.310
And it's liberating and freeing.
00:04:43.750 --> 00:04:45.699
Because you don't have an attachment.
00:04:47.079 --> 00:04:48.670
To needing perfect results.
00:04:48.699 --> 00:04:50.199
The results are going to be what they are.
00:04:51.009 --> 00:04:51.939
It's kind of like bowling.
00:04:52.629 --> 00:04:55.540
Once you release the ball, you can lean all kinds of different ways.
00:04:55.990 --> 00:04:57.339
It's going to go where it goes.
00:04:57.879 --> 00:04:59.410
And you can lean away from the gutter.
00:04:59.889 --> 00:05:02.139
Sometimes you're going to hit the gutter.
00:05:03.790 --> 00:05:07.290
But see the effort itself is what makes the journey worthwhile.
00:05:08.250 --> 00:05:10.170
The suffering you embrace.
00:05:10.649 --> 00:05:12.360
That you volunteer for?
00:05:13.470 --> 00:05:16.110
To stay disciplined to take action.
00:05:16.589 --> 00:05:18.180
To push you through the discomfort.
00:05:18.779 --> 00:05:20.189
That's the foundation.
00:05:21.540 --> 00:05:22.589
Of real fulfillment.
00:05:24.040 --> 00:05:25.930
James clear describes happiness.
00:05:26.500 --> 00:05:28.360
As the absence of desire.
00:05:29.290 --> 00:05:30.459
It's a brief moment.
00:05:31.209 --> 00:05:33.160
Where you feel no need to change your state.
00:05:34.509 --> 00:05:37.569
But you got to realize that moment is temporary.
00:05:38.199 --> 00:05:39.879
Because new desires.
00:05:40.420 --> 00:05:41.649
Always emerge.
00:05:42.250 --> 00:05:43.240
And that's a good thing.
00:05:44.620 --> 00:05:45.730
It's a real good thing.
00:05:46.240 --> 00:05:48.430
Because this is what's going to keep you moving forward.
00:05:49.329 --> 00:05:50.439
So let's break it down.
00:05:51.310 --> 00:05:52.269
Happiness.
00:05:52.839 --> 00:05:54.160
Is it about reaching?
00:05:54.879 --> 00:05:56.290
A specific state.
00:05:56.709 --> 00:06:01.899
And when you think of a state, think of whatever state you live in right now, California, California.
00:06:02.769 --> 00:06:03.339
Happiness.
00:06:03.370 --> 00:06:05.560
Isn't about reaching a specific state.
00:06:06.490 --> 00:06:08.560
In the state of becoming debt-free.
00:06:08.850 --> 00:06:10.060
or hitting your goal weight.
00:06:10.899 --> 00:06:13.360
Because those moments are fleeting.
00:06:14.259 --> 00:06:16.990
I mean when I've been at my quote unquote ideal weight.
00:06:17.500 --> 00:06:19.389
Or I've had the financial security.
00:06:20.709 --> 00:06:21.220
Happiness.
00:06:21.220 --> 00:06:22.000
Didn't linger.
00:06:22.930 --> 00:06:25.990
I thought all this time, I would be at this specific point.
00:06:26.740 --> 00:06:29.350
And be like, ah, There's not.
00:06:30.339 --> 00:06:33.490
Uh, quickly found myself like, all right, what's next?
00:06:33.970 --> 00:06:34.899
It's because.
00:06:36.310 --> 00:06:38.410
The happiness is more so like a pulse.
00:06:38.889 --> 00:06:40.029
And so I felt it.
00:06:41.259 --> 00:06:46.300
And I was pushing for it, but when I got it, It was like, what else is there?
00:06:46.300 --> 00:06:47.620
It's because your desires.
00:06:48.850 --> 00:06:49.870
Are always changing.
00:06:50.949 --> 00:06:55.000
This is why happiness is less about achieving a destination.
00:06:56.439 --> 00:06:59.620
And more so about the act of pursuing something meaningful.
00:07:01.079 --> 00:07:03.029
Think of happiness, more so like a trip.
00:07:04.408 --> 00:07:05.370
And along the way.
00:07:05.790 --> 00:07:06.810
Along your trip.
00:07:07.290 --> 00:07:08.819
They're going to be these mile markers.
00:07:09.269 --> 00:07:10.620
And these mile markers.
00:07:11.310 --> 00:07:14.040
Are these points where you reflect.
00:07:15.420 --> 00:07:18.959
More, so like a pulse until you check that pulse and you're like, yeah.
00:07:19.920 --> 00:07:21.420
I'm beating toward that success.
00:07:22.228 --> 00:07:24.718
But the journey never ends.
00:07:26.269 --> 00:07:28.189
You're never going to be at inbox zero.
00:07:28.908 --> 00:07:36.528
Where you're just like, ah, But so many times, man, that's where we deceive ourselves and we think, oh, if only I could do this.
00:07:37.098 --> 00:07:39.168
There's always going to be challenges ahead.
00:07:40.158 --> 00:07:43.249
And this is where the suffering comes in, productive, suffering.
00:07:43.788 --> 00:07:44.658
Suffering.
00:07:45.228 --> 00:07:49.428
Is the space between craving a change and achieving it.
00:07:50.149 --> 00:07:54.348
It's the discomfort where you feel that you're working towards something better.
00:07:54.619 --> 00:07:55.699
And that's a good thing.
00:07:55.699 --> 00:07:57.199
When you think about it like that.
00:07:57.769 --> 00:08:00.949
Let me read that to you again, suffering is the space.
00:08:01.189 --> 00:08:01.848
Space.
00:08:01.879 --> 00:08:03.019
I love that analogy.
00:08:03.228 --> 00:08:06.019
It's the space between craving a change.
00:08:06.379 --> 00:08:07.218
And achieving it.
00:08:07.608 --> 00:08:09.588
It's the discomfort that you feel.
00:08:09.918 --> 00:08:11.718
While you're working towards something better.
00:08:12.379 --> 00:08:14.269
But when that suffering is productive.
00:08:15.019 --> 00:08:17.119
When it's tied to something meaningful.
00:08:17.449 --> 00:08:18.949
And the effort is meaningful.
00:08:20.478 --> 00:08:21.619
It leads to happiness.
00:08:23.658 --> 00:08:24.619
But it's a pulse.
00:08:25.158 --> 00:08:26.149
It's going to be fleeting.
00:08:27.579 --> 00:08:30.338
Viktor Frankl said happiness cannot be pursued.
00:08:30.999 --> 00:08:32.139
It must ensue.
00:08:32.828 --> 00:08:34.058
It's the by-product.
00:08:34.599 --> 00:08:36.009
Of effort and action.
00:08:37.208 --> 00:08:39.818
So, how do you sustain happiness?
00:08:41.048 --> 00:08:42.219
You got to make it a game.
00:08:42.578 --> 00:08:43.869
You got to gamify it man.
00:08:45.639 --> 00:08:47.919
What's the challenger pursuit that excites you.
00:08:48.399 --> 00:08:49.389
What drives you?
00:08:50.019 --> 00:08:51.309
What makes you frustrated?
00:08:51.698 --> 00:08:53.589
What makes you grit your teeth a little bit?
00:08:53.919 --> 00:08:55.600
What makes you dig into the dirt?
00:08:55.960 --> 00:08:57.879
What makes you come back at it the next day?
00:08:59.710 --> 00:09:00.549
You got to have a game.
00:09:01.419 --> 00:09:02.649
Because without a game.
00:09:03.460 --> 00:09:04.870
Without something to chase.
00:09:05.710 --> 00:09:07.120
You risk complacency.
00:09:08.139 --> 00:09:09.309
And complacency.
00:09:10.120 --> 00:09:11.230
Erodes discipline.
00:09:12.370 --> 00:09:13.870
So you've got to respect the journey.
00:09:15.429 --> 00:09:16.779
And everything that comes along with it.
00:09:17.350 --> 00:09:18.159
The highs.
00:09:18.399 --> 00:09:20.409
The lows, the challenges.
00:09:21.370 --> 00:09:22.330
They're all part of it.
00:09:24.159 --> 00:09:26.649
Happiness is not a state of if then.
00:09:28.149 --> 00:09:30.220
If I lose the weight, then I'll be happy.
00:09:30.580 --> 00:09:33.068
If I get debt-free, then I'll be happy.
00:09:34.330 --> 00:09:35.259
It's not a state.
00:09:36.188 --> 00:09:41.539
It's more so of a journey of "if/then" where the process of taking action.
00:09:41.960 --> 00:09:43.370
Making progress.
00:09:44.179 --> 00:09:45.590
As the source of fulfillment.
00:09:45.840 --> 00:09:47.580
If I do this productively.
00:09:48.299 --> 00:09:48.929
Then.
00:09:50.029 --> 00:09:50.899
It'll lead.
00:09:51.860 --> 00:09:52.820
To a good result.
00:09:53.629 --> 00:09:55.399
I'm just putting myself in alignment.
00:09:56.029 --> 00:09:58.129
And that's what the suffering is every single day.
00:09:58.820 --> 00:10:00.409
It's checking your alignment.
00:10:00.919 --> 00:10:02.960
And making the adjustments in your alignment.
00:10:03.409 --> 00:10:04.460
And you just keep going.
00:10:05.889 --> 00:10:07.330
And when you look at happiness.
00:10:08.169 --> 00:10:10.509
As a mile marker as a temporary state.
00:10:12.700 --> 00:10:14.649
Then it becomes more so.
00:10:15.190 --> 00:10:16.179
About the effort.
00:10:16.929 --> 00:10:17.860
And not the result.
00:10:19.159 --> 00:10:20.659
Because you're embracing.
00:10:21.440 --> 00:10:22.370
Productive suffering.
00:10:23.470 --> 00:10:24.639
So here's the takeaway.
00:10:26.350 --> 00:10:28.480
Happiness and suffering.
00:10:29.169 --> 00:10:30.610
Must coexist.
00:10:31.149 --> 00:10:31.690
They got to.
00:10:32.440 --> 00:10:33.789
Because without suffering.
00:10:34.840 --> 00:10:36.610
There'd be no desire to change.
00:10:36.940 --> 00:10:38.950
To grow or to achieve.
00:10:39.700 --> 00:10:41.860
Anything worthwhile anything new?
00:10:43.269 --> 00:10:44.139
Suffering.
00:10:44.710 --> 00:10:45.879
When it's intentional.
00:10:46.360 --> 00:10:48.039
And tied to meaningful goals.
00:10:48.889 --> 00:10:50.679
dude this is what fuels progress.
00:10:51.710 --> 00:10:53.120
Happiness on the other hand.
00:10:54.320 --> 00:10:55.610
Is the fleeting moment.
00:10:56.840 --> 00:10:57.590
Fleeting.
00:10:58.610 --> 00:11:00.049
It's not going to be a permanent state.
00:11:00.529 --> 00:11:02.360
Stop chasing a permanent state.
00:11:02.389 --> 00:11:03.320
It's not going to be there.
00:11:04.340 --> 00:11:05.600
It's going to be fleeting.
00:11:06.899 --> 00:11:11.789
And so when you feel these pulses of happiness, Reflect on the progress.
00:11:11.850 --> 00:11:13.049
It's a rest area.
00:11:13.529 --> 00:11:15.629
But it's never going to be a final destination.
00:11:16.899 --> 00:11:21.970
And so when you embrace this dynamic, this is where you can find joy in the journey.
00:11:22.840 --> 00:11:23.980
And meaning in the struggle.
00:11:25.659 --> 00:11:26.620
All right, let's get outta here.
00:11:26.830 --> 00:11:28.149
Thanks for tuning in today.
00:11:28.210 --> 00:11:29.860
This episode resonated with you.
00:11:30.129 --> 00:11:31.389
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
00:11:31.840 --> 00:11:33.399
Let's keep this conversation going.
00:11:33.850 --> 00:11:35.559
I'm on all the socials DME.
00:11:35.559 --> 00:11:38.289
There are, you can go to my name.com.
00:11:38.289 --> 00:11:42.129
That's M a R S H B U I C E.
00:11:42.669 --> 00:11:43.389
And a bottom, right.
00:11:43.389 --> 00:11:46.299
Is a mic from you to me, let me know what's going on in your world.
00:11:46.629 --> 00:11:47.590
And how I can help.
00:11:48.690 --> 00:11:50.309
As always remember, keep it simple.
00:11:50.309 --> 00:11:50.940
Keep it moving.
00:11:50.940 --> 00:11:51.509
Never settle.
00:11:51.509 --> 00:11:52.620
Stay tough peace.
00:00:00.479 --> 00:00:00.750
All right.
00:00:00.750 --> 00:00:01.350
3, 2, 1.
00:00:01.350 --> 00:00:01.889
Let's get it.
00:00:01.889 --> 00:00:05.339
Welcome back to "What's Your Problem?" the podcast and today.
00:00:05.820 --> 00:00:08.189
I want to talk about something that's been on my mind.
00:00:08.699 --> 00:00:14.878
And it's a concept that I've been reflecting on after revisiting James Clear's book, Atomic Habits.
00:00:15.208 --> 00:00:18.480
I've read the book many times, but I think it's just one of those books where.
00:00:19.109 --> 00:00:22.109
You just, you need to pick a chapter from time to time.
00:00:22.109 --> 00:00:23.519
man and just dive into it.
00:00:24.298 --> 00:00:27.449
And what's interesting is I got to the end of the book.
00:00:27.989 --> 00:00:33.359
I just cracked it open to the end and there's some appendix back there.
00:00:33.840 --> 00:00:38.729
That are for some additional thoughts that are a part of the big book itself.
00:00:39.539 --> 00:00:40.859
And what I thumbed to to.
00:00:41.579 --> 00:00:43.350
Was about happiness.
00:00:43.829 --> 00:00:44.729
And suffering.
00:00:46.439 --> 00:00:48.630
And why these two aren't opposites.
00:00:49.499 --> 00:00:51.600
But they're actually deeply intertwined.
00:00:52.889 --> 00:00:54.299
Happiness and suffering.
00:00:54.659 --> 00:00:56.369
Or not two sides of the coin.
00:00:57.359 --> 00:00:58.918
They're actually on the same side.
00:01:00.119 --> 00:01:01.829
So let's dive in.
00:01:02.939 --> 00:01:06.719
Because if you've ever wondered why happiness feels so fleeting.
00:01:08.108 --> 00:01:12.000
or why challenges often lead to moments of clarity and joy.
00:01:13.319 --> 00:01:14.879
This is going to be a good episode for you.
00:01:16.259 --> 00:01:21.328
So first let's talk about the source of unhappiness and think about this for a moment.
00:01:21.900 --> 00:01:23.099
When you're unhappy.
00:01:23.849 --> 00:01:26.519
It's rarely because of the result itself.
00:01:27.418 --> 00:01:28.828
It's not the credit card debt.
00:01:29.129 --> 00:01:31.319
Or the love handles that make you unhappy.
00:01:31.948 --> 00:01:34.978
It's the inaction that led to those results.
00:01:35.430 --> 00:01:37.319
The real dissatisfaction.
00:01:38.069 --> 00:01:40.828
Comes from knowing that you didn't take the steps needed.
00:01:41.459 --> 00:01:42.418
To prevent them.
00:01:42.989 --> 00:01:43.769
I mean, think about that.
00:01:44.459 --> 00:01:47.310
You think in this current state of unhappiness?
00:01:47.819 --> 00:01:48.930
It's this moment.
00:01:50.578 --> 00:01:51.900
I've put on too much weight.
00:01:52.829 --> 00:01:54.120
My credit cards are maxed out.
00:01:54.659 --> 00:01:58.829
And you think it's that that's not the source of your happiness.
00:01:59.219 --> 00:02:01.349
It's everything that led up to that.
00:02:02.500 --> 00:02:04.090
And this is where suffering.
00:02:04.689 --> 00:02:05.680
Productively.
00:02:06.340 --> 00:02:07.478
Comes into play for you.
00:02:08.139 --> 00:02:09.788
Because a form of suffering.
00:02:10.419 --> 00:02:12.550
Is confronting who you are.
00:02:13.180 --> 00:02:14.830
And what you do every single day.
00:02:15.400 --> 00:02:17.439
It's why confrontation is so key.
00:02:17.439 --> 00:02:19.539
It's one of the five life skills.
00:02:19.960 --> 00:02:21.250
That you must develop.
00:02:21.699 --> 00:02:24.669
That is the framework for what's your problem?
00:02:25.060 --> 00:02:30.280
Communication curiosity, creativity, continuous learning, and action and productive confrontation.
00:02:31.240 --> 00:02:33.849
So a productive form of suffering.
00:02:34.270 --> 00:02:37.270
Is confronting who you are and what you do.
00:02:37.990 --> 00:02:38.919
Every single day.
00:02:39.819 --> 00:02:41.740
And it's holding yourself accountable.
00:02:42.550 --> 00:02:44.349
Being honest about your choices.
00:02:45.250 --> 00:02:47.139
And doing what's necessary to grow.
00:02:48.310 --> 00:02:53.199
This kind of suffering isn't destructive, most people think of suffering as destructive.
00:02:53.560 --> 00:02:56.439
This kind of suffering is not destructive at all.
00:02:56.949 --> 00:02:58.359
It's really productive.
00:02:58.959 --> 00:03:02.289
Because it's going to create this productive tension.
00:03:02.979 --> 00:03:04.419
And it's that tension.
00:03:05.199 --> 00:03:06.609
That drives the progress.
00:03:08.379 --> 00:03:09.519
Now on the other side.
00:03:10.479 --> 00:03:13.149
You got to realize I'm learning this.
00:03:13.959 --> 00:03:15.069
That happiness.
00:03:15.399 --> 00:03:16.868
Isn't a permanent state.
00:03:17.799 --> 00:03:19.060
It's fleeting by nature.
00:03:19.959 --> 00:03:20.618
And that's okay.
00:03:21.549 --> 00:03:23.169
It's more so like a pulse.
00:03:25.038 --> 00:03:27.468
Happiness should be a temporary comfort.
00:03:28.338 --> 00:03:28.579
More.
00:03:28.579 --> 00:03:29.929
So like a rest area.
00:03:30.709 --> 00:03:31.908
Not a vacation spot.
00:03:33.209 --> 00:03:37.258
And so when you see happiness as temporary, you stop.
00:03:37.588 --> 00:03:38.489
You reflect.
00:03:38.878 --> 00:03:39.868
You recharge.
00:03:40.919 --> 00:03:42.568
And then you lace up and you keep going.
00:03:43.908 --> 00:03:44.959
Treating happiness.
00:03:45.949 --> 00:03:47.868
Like a permanent vacation spot.
00:03:49.368 --> 00:03:50.868
That's going to lead to complacency.
00:03:52.169 --> 00:03:53.459
So here's a shift.
00:03:54.269 --> 00:03:56.879
In perspective that has really helped me.
00:03:57.569 --> 00:03:59.429
Chase the effort, not the results.
00:03:59.908 --> 00:04:00.989
Results are fleeting.
00:04:01.468 --> 00:04:03.989
They're going to come and go, but the effort.
00:04:04.379 --> 00:04:08.098
The energy, the discipline that you put into meaningful actions.
00:04:08.908 --> 00:04:11.069
That's what is that's what's going to sustain you.
00:04:11.368 --> 00:04:13.019
Happiness is perfect effort.
00:04:13.739 --> 00:04:15.209
Without an attachment.
00:04:15.838 --> 00:04:17.699
To needing perfect results.
00:04:17.908 --> 00:04:21.358
And when I say perfect effort, I don't mean.
00:04:22.108 --> 00:04:23.819
That it's going to be a 10.
00:04:24.298 --> 00:04:25.259
I just mean that.
00:04:25.288 --> 00:04:26.009
Perfect.
00:04:26.309 --> 00:04:30.379
Means that you go all chips in you don't pull your punch.
00:04:30.680 --> 00:04:31.250
You don't.
00:04:31.579 --> 00:04:36.649
Pull back some of your energy, you don't worry about the results, chase the effort, not the results.
00:04:36.769 --> 00:04:39.108
So you just, you go head first in.
00:04:40.209 --> 00:04:42.310
And it's liberating and freeing.
00:04:43.750 --> 00:04:45.699
Because you don't have an attachment.
00:04:47.079 --> 00:04:48.670
To needing perfect results.
00:04:48.699 --> 00:04:50.199
The results are going to be what they are.
00:04:51.009 --> 00:04:51.939
It's kind of like bowling.
00:04:52.629 --> 00:04:55.540
Once you release the ball, you can lean all kinds of different ways.
00:04:55.990 --> 00:04:57.339
It's going to go where it goes.
00:04:57.879 --> 00:04:59.410
And you can lean away from the gutter.
00:04:59.889 --> 00:05:02.139
Sometimes you're going to hit the gutter.
00:05:03.790 --> 00:05:07.290
But see the effort itself is what makes the journey worthwhile.
00:05:08.250 --> 00:05:10.170
The suffering you embrace.
00:05:10.649 --> 00:05:12.360
That you volunteer for?
00:05:13.470 --> 00:05:16.110
To stay disciplined to take action.
00:05:16.589 --> 00:05:18.180
To push you through the discomfort.
00:05:18.779 --> 00:05:20.189
That's the foundation.
00:05:21.540 --> 00:05:22.589
Of real fulfillment.
00:05:24.040 --> 00:05:25.930
James clear describes happiness.
00:05:26.500 --> 00:05:28.360
As the absence of desire.
00:05:29.290 --> 00:05:30.459
It's a brief moment.
00:05:31.209 --> 00:05:33.160
Where you feel no need to change your state.
00:05:34.509 --> 00:05:37.569
But you got to realize that moment is temporary.
00:05:38.199 --> 00:05:39.879
Because new desires.
00:05:40.420 --> 00:05:41.649
Always emerge.
00:05:42.250 --> 00:05:43.240
And that's a good thing.
00:05:44.620 --> 00:05:45.730
It's a real good thing.
00:05:46.240 --> 00:05:48.430
Because this is what's going to keep you moving forward.
00:05:49.329 --> 00:05:50.439
So let's break it down.
00:05:51.310 --> 00:05:52.269
Happiness.
00:05:52.839 --> 00:05:54.160
Is it about reaching?
00:05:54.879 --> 00:05:56.290
A specific state.
00:05:56.709 --> 00:06:01.899
And when you think of a state, think of whatever state you live in right now, California, California.
00:06:02.769 --> 00:06:03.339
Happiness.
00:06:03.370 --> 00:06:05.560
Isn't about reaching a specific state.
00:06:06.490 --> 00:06:08.560
In the state of becoming debt-free.
00:06:08.850 --> 00:06:10.060
or hitting your goal weight.
00:06:10.899 --> 00:06:13.360
Because those moments are fleeting.
00:06:14.259 --> 00:06:16.990
I mean when I've been at my quote unquote ideal weight.
00:06:17.500 --> 00:06:19.389
Or I've had the financial security.
00:06:20.709 --> 00:06:21.220
Happiness.
00:06:21.220 --> 00:06:22.000
Didn't linger.
00:06:22.930 --> 00:06:25.990
I thought all this time, I would be at this specific point.
00:06:26.740 --> 00:06:29.350
And be like, ah, There's not.
00:06:30.339 --> 00:06:33.490
Uh, quickly found myself like, all right, what's next?
00:06:33.970 --> 00:06:34.899
It's because.
00:06:36.310 --> 00:06:38.410
The happiness is more so like a pulse.
00:06:38.889 --> 00:06:40.029
And so I felt it.
00:06:41.259 --> 00:06:46.300
And I was pushing for it, but when I got it, It was like, what else is there?
00:06:46.300 --> 00:06:47.620
It's because your desires.
00:06:48.850 --> 00:06:49.870
Are always changing.
00:06:50.949 --> 00:06:55.000
This is why happiness is less about achieving a destination.
00:06:56.439 --> 00:06:59.620
And more so about the act of pursuing something meaningful.
00:07:01.079 --> 00:07:03.029
Think of happiness, more so like a trip.
00:07:04.408 --> 00:07:05.370
And along the way.
00:07:05.790 --> 00:07:06.810
Along your trip.
00:07:07.290 --> 00:07:08.819
They're going to be these mile markers.
00:07:09.269 --> 00:07:10.620
And these mile markers.
00:07:11.310 --> 00:07:14.040
Are these points where you reflect.
00:07:15.420 --> 00:07:18.959
More, so like a pulse until you check that pulse and you're like, yeah.
00:07:19.920 --> 00:07:21.420
I'm beating toward that success.
00:07:22.228 --> 00:07:24.718
But the journey never ends.
00:07:26.269 --> 00:07:28.189
You're never going to be at inbox zero.
00:07:28.908 --> 00:07:36.528
Where you're just like, ah, But so many times, man, that's where we deceive ourselves and we think, oh, if only I could do this.
00:07:37.098 --> 00:07:39.168
There's always going to be challenges ahead.
00:07:40.158 --> 00:07:43.249
And this is where the suffering comes in, productive, suffering.
00:07:43.788 --> 00:07:44.658
Suffering.
00:07:45.228 --> 00:07:49.428
Is the space between craving a change and achieving it.
00:07:50.149 --> 00:07:54.348
It's the discomfort where you feel that you're working towards something better.
00:07:54.619 --> 00:07:55.699
And that's a good thing.
00:07:55.699 --> 00:07:57.199
When you think about it like that.
00:07:57.769 --> 00:08:00.949
Let me read that to you again, suffering is the space.
00:08:01.189 --> 00:08:01.848
Space.
00:08:01.879 --> 00:08:03.019
I love that analogy.
00:08:03.228 --> 00:08:06.019
It's the space between craving a change.
00:08:06.379 --> 00:08:07.218
And achieving it.
00:08:07.608 --> 00:08:09.588
It's the discomfort that you feel.
00:08:09.918 --> 00:08:11.718
While you're working towards something better.
00:08:12.379 --> 00:08:14.269
But when that suffering is productive.
00:08:15.019 --> 00:08:17.119
When it's tied to something meaningful.
00:08:17.449 --> 00:08:18.949
And the effort is meaningful.
00:08:20.478 --> 00:08:21.619
It leads to happiness.
00:08:23.658 --> 00:08:24.619
But it's a pulse.
00:08:25.158 --> 00:08:26.149
It's going to be fleeting.
00:08:27.579 --> 00:08:30.338
Viktor Frankl said happiness cannot be pursued.
00:08:30.999 --> 00:08:32.139
It must ensue.
00:08:32.828 --> 00:08:34.058
It's the by-product.
00:08:34.599 --> 00:08:36.009
Of effort and action.
00:08:37.208 --> 00:08:39.818
So, how do you sustain happiness?
00:08:41.048 --> 00:08:42.219
You got to make it a game.
00:08:42.578 --> 00:08:43.869
You got to gamify it man.
00:08:45.639 --> 00:08:47.919
What's the challenger pursuit that excites you.
00:08:48.399 --> 00:08:49.389
What drives you?
00:08:50.019 --> 00:08:51.309
What makes you frustrated?
00:08:51.698 --> 00:08:53.589
What makes you grit your teeth a little bit?
00:08:53.919 --> 00:08:55.600
What makes you dig into the dirt?
00:08:55.960 --> 00:08:57.879
What makes you come back at it the next day?
00:08:59.710 --> 00:09:00.549
You got to have a game.
00:09:01.419 --> 00:09:02.649
Because without a game.
00:09:03.460 --> 00:09:04.870
Without something to chase.
00:09:05.710 --> 00:09:07.120
You risk complacency.
00:09:08.139 --> 00:09:09.309
And complacency.
00:09:10.120 --> 00:09:11.230
Erodes discipline.
00:09:12.370 --> 00:09:13.870
So you've got to respect the journey.
00:09:15.429 --> 00:09:16.779
And everything that comes along with it.
00:09:17.350 --> 00:09:18.159
The highs.
00:09:18.399 --> 00:09:20.409
The lows, the challenges.
00:09:21.370 --> 00:09:22.330
They're all part of it.
00:09:24.159 --> 00:09:26.649
Happiness is not a state of if then.
00:09:28.149 --> 00:09:30.220
If I lose the weight, then I'll be happy.
00:09:30.580 --> 00:09:33.068
If I get debt-free, then I'll be happy.
00:09:34.330 --> 00:09:35.259
It's not a state.
00:09:36.188 --> 00:09:41.539
It's more so of a journey of "if/then" where the process of taking action.
00:09:41.960 --> 00:09:43.370
Making progress.
00:09:44.179 --> 00:09:45.590
As the source of fulfillment.
00:09:45.840 --> 00:09:47.580
If I do this productively.
00:09:48.299 --> 00:09:48.929
Then.
00:09:50.029 --> 00:09:50.899
It'll lead.
00:09:51.860 --> 00:09:52.820
To a good result.
00:09:53.629 --> 00:09:55.399
I'm just putting myself in alignment.
00:09:56.029 --> 00:09:58.129
And that's what the suffering is every single day.
00:09:58.820 --> 00:10:00.409
It's checking your alignment.
00:10:00.919 --> 00:10:02.960
And making the adjustments in your alignment.
00:10:03.409 --> 00:10:04.460
And you just keep going.
00:10:05.889 --> 00:10:07.330
And when you look at happiness.
00:10:08.169 --> 00:10:10.509
As a mile marker as a temporary state.
00:10:12.700 --> 00:10:14.649
Then it becomes more so.
00:10:15.190 --> 00:10:16.179
About the effort.
00:10:16.929 --> 00:10:17.860
And not the result.
00:10:19.159 --> 00:10:20.659
Because you're embracing.
00:10:21.440 --> 00:10:22.370
Productive suffering.
00:10:23.470 --> 00:10:24.639
So here's the takeaway.
00:10:26.350 --> 00:10:28.480
Happiness and suffering.
00:10:29.169 --> 00:10:30.610
Must coexist.
00:10:31.149 --> 00:10:31.690
They got to.
00:10:32.440 --> 00:10:33.789
Because without suffering.
00:10:34.840 --> 00:10:36.610
There'd be no desire to change.
00:10:36.940 --> 00:10:38.950
To grow or to achieve.
00:10:39.700 --> 00:10:41.860
Anything worthwhile anything new?
00:10:43.269 --> 00:10:44.139
Suffering.
00:10:44.710 --> 00:10:45.879
When it's intentional.
00:10:46.360 --> 00:10:48.039
And tied to meaningful goals.
00:10:48.889 --> 00:10:50.679
dude this is what fuels progress.
00:10:51.710 --> 00:10:53.120
Happiness on the other hand.
00:10:54.320 --> 00:10:55.610
Is the fleeting moment.
00:10:56.840 --> 00:10:57.590
Fleeting.
00:10:58.610 --> 00:11:00.049
It's not going to be a permanent state.
00:11:00.529 --> 00:11:02.360
Stop chasing a permanent state.
00:11:02.389 --> 00:11:03.320
It's not going to be there.
00:11:04.340 --> 00:11:05.600
It's going to be fleeting.
00:11:06.899 --> 00:11:11.789
And so when you feel these pulses of happiness, Reflect on the progress.
00:11:11.850 --> 00:11:13.049
It's a rest area.
00:11:13.529 --> 00:11:15.629
But it's never going to be a final destination.
00:11:16.899 --> 00:11:21.970
And so when you embrace this dynamic, this is where you can find joy in the journey.
00:11:22.840 --> 00:11:23.980
And meaning in the struggle.
00:11:25.659 --> 00:11:26.620
All right, let's get outta here.
00:11:26.830 --> 00:11:28.149
Thanks for tuning in today.
00:11:28.210 --> 00:11:29.860
This episode resonated with you.
00:11:30.129 --> 00:11:31.389
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
00:11:31.840 --> 00:11:33.399
Let's keep this conversation going.
00:11:33.850 --> 00:11:35.559
I'm on all the socials DME.
00:11:35.559 --> 00:11:38.289
There are, you can go to my name.com.
00:11:38.289 --> 00:11:42.129
That's M a R S H B U I C E.
00:11:42.669 --> 00:11:43.389
And a bottom, right.
00:11:43.389 --> 00:11:46.299
Is a mic from you to me, let me know what's going on in your world.
00:11:46.629 --> 00:11:47.590
And how I can help.
00:11:48.690 --> 00:11:50.309
As always remember, keep it simple.
00:11:50.309 --> 00:11:50.940
Keep it moving.
00:11:50.940 --> 00:11:51.509
Never settle.
00:11:51.509 --> 00:11:52.620
Stay tough peace.