June 25, 2024
839. More Empathy. Less Sympathy.
You wouldn't want a doctor so sympathetic that they become as emotional as you are. No, you want a doctor who is empathetic toward your pain points. They identify with what you are feeling but offer guidance in bringing you a solution to your situation.
If you are a parent, manager, or salesperson, this will be an excellent episode for you to listen to. Have empathetic ears, and don't get sucked into a sympathetic pool of emotions.
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Transcript
WEBVTT
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All right.
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3, 2, 1.
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Let's get it.
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Let's talk about the difference.
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And the utility of being empathetic versus sympathetic.
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And I've seen.
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Many things get worse.
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Because a salesperson.
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A parent.
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Friend.
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Is more sympathetic.
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When they should be empathetic.
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And I'm going to use sales as a metaphor because that's what I do.
00:00:31.629 --> 00:00:36.310
And I believe we're all selling our way through life, but swap out whatever the circumstances are.
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If you're in sales, you could use this.
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If you're in a sales encounter, you could use this.
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But also if, if you're just, you know, talking to one of your kids are you're talking to a loved one or a friend.
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It's important that you have the ears.
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Of empathy.
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And not the mindset of sympathy and it doesn't mean that you're cynical.
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It doesn't mean that you don't care.
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It's that.
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You're there to provide a service or solution.
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All right.
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And you gotta remember that.
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And sometimes we lose sight of that mission.
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Because we're more sympathetic.
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And we're less empathetic.
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Now there's no place.
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For cynicism.
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And there's.
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Not a lot of room.
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For.
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Being sympathetic.
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And again, you hear this and you're like, oh, I'm just supposed to just middle finger everybody.
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No.
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That's not what I'm talking about.
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I'm talking about number one, cynicism.
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We only have to go there on that.
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You understand you don't need to be jaded and hard.
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I don't care how many rejections you go on through.
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I don't care.
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What's going on with how tough your month has been or what's going on in your life right now?
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Look being cynical with everybody that ain't gonna get you nowhere.
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But also being overly sympathetic.
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You think your heart and your heart are hearts.
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You think that you're doing something good when in fact you're making the situation worse.
00:02:13.120 --> 00:02:30.069
, because your sympathetic sympathy can, can kill a deal just as fast as cynicism can, because when you're sympathetic, there's a high degree of emotions and those emotions are so stirred up.
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That when your sympathetic.
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You actually embody the emotions of what that other party is feeling.
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So one party came in.
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In a bad situation in their life.
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And now you got two because you're sympathetic and you went down the rabbit hole with them.
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And this then turns.
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And gets jaded.
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And gets revengeful.
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And I mean, you think about your friends, a lot of friends.
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Seek out.
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People who are sympathetic toward their needs.
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And so they go and they conspire and they drink and they, it just, the situation just gets more and more toxic and they leave worse than how they came.
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And this is true in sales.
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This is true in life so that's why I say, man, you need to swap these things up.
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You are here.
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You have to understand this as a salesperson.
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As a parent, as a friend.
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You're there.
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To show empathy.
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Empathy is a psychological alignment.
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With the way that they're feeling.
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But you distance yourself from the sympathy where you go down that channel with them.
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And so your job.
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Is to actually stay zoomed out.
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Identify with your emotions.
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And thoffer for guidance.
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To provide a solution.
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There are going to be customers.
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I'm amazed, man, 20 going on 27 years now in sales.
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I'm amazed of how many customers will actually just share their entire life with me, dude, I meet them five minutes later.
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They're opening up and telling me not only of their whole life, but also.
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their current ailments sometimes, man.
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That's a good thing.
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And I have to be reminded of that I'm trustworthy enough to open up and dude they say a lot of things?
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But also I have to be mindful that I'm there to provide.
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a service.
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And a solution.
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And so I've got to be able to hear what they say.
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But I've got to filter that out.
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And only keep.
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What aligns with.
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The service or solution that I have to offer.
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And if I'm not that person that can provide that for them, if what they came for, filter that out.
00:05:03.939 --> 00:05:08.620
And I can't provide that, then I can refer them to someone who can do that.
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And then I can.
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Again, I'm empathetic.
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I'm aligned with your emotions.
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I'm aligned with your situation.
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But I'm going to.
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Guide you in the right direction, whether it be.
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Toward me toward fulfilling that solution or towards someone else who is better equipped to help you in that situation.
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And that's what you got to think about, man is, do you have the empathetic ears in situation?
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Or are you getting sucked in?
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in being sympathetic, you've got to be able to zoom out.
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You've got to be able to provide a solution.
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It's the same sort of situation.
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If you're a leader now I'm sitting here thinking about it when you're leading a team.
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You can't be.
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Mr sympathetic.
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Or Mrs.
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Sympathetic.
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You have to be empathetic.
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Aligning with the pulls the struggles.
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But then also you got to fulfill a mission.
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You have to provide a solution.
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You're there to lead the company.
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In a productive.
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Positive manner.
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And so the only way that you're going to be able to do that, Is being more empathetic and less sympathetic.
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I mean, look at it like this.
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Let's just take us out of the mix.
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You wouldn't want a doctor.
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Who is sympathetic.
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Somebody who, when you tell them your pain points, when you just bleed your heart out to them.
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Would you want that doctor to just go down the shit hole with you?
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And just, y'all just be too soupy messes.
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No.
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You want an empathetic doctor who listens to what.
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Your situation is.
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Who identifies with it?
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But then he recommends a solution.
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He provides some necessary steps.
00:07:12.399 --> 00:07:16.329
That can help you out of your situation and you leave the doctor's office.
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Better.
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More confident.
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And hopeful.
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That this is going to work.
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That's the same thing your customers need.
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That's the same thing your child needs.
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That's the same thing.
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A loved one needs.
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That's the same thing a friend needs.
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That's the same thing your employee needs.
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They don't need.
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two just like them.
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They need to walk away from you.
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More confident.
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Hopeful based on your recommendations.
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Because you were empathetic.
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You, you understood what they were going through.
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You filtered out.
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Some of the stuff that really didn't have anything to do with the solution.
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And service that you offer.
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And they walk away more confident, hopeful.
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And empowered.
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You realize that empathy?
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Is empowerment, not only for yourself, but also for others as well, because when you can confidently filter that, that filter out the things that don't belong.
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And you keep it on track.
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And you provide a solution based on empathy.
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It's empowering because not only did you provide the solution, but you help them walk the steps.
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Toward getting there.
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My wife.
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He owns a gym.
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When she first opened, she was sympathetic.
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They came in.
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Just a hot mess.
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But she would come home just drained because she became them.
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When instead, what she's had to learn is she had to be empathetic.
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Identifying with the struggles.
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their everyday struggles, the challenges that they have as a woman.
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Because it's an all women's gym.
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And she provides the necessary steps.
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For them to get their mental and physical health.
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And so she builds women from the inside out.
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She believes in getting those things straightened out.
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And the way that she does that.
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Is empowering them to come in.
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And work out, bust a sweat.
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They start feeling better about themselves and things begin to change within and around those women.
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That's empowering.
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See what I'm talking about?
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And you got to think about this, and this is, this is why I'm bringing you this episode.
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How many times.
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Are you sympathetic and you make the situation worse.
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Good intentions.
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I get it.
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When you should instead be more empathetic.
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Psychologically identifying with.
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The pain points, the needs, the struggles.
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But then also never losing sight of the mission of providing a service or solution.
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In a way that only you can offer.
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That's the thing.
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I had a salesperson the other day, man, that almost quit.
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He was overly sympathetic.
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And so he was working with a customer, the wife called.
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Her husband just got diagnosed with stage four cancer.
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And so she selected a truck and she was like, I want this to be.
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His truck.
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This this'll probably be the last truck he owns.
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And for 40 days, man, that truck had been sitting there.
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Nobody didn't work any deals on it or anything like that.
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What's the odds.
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That that day two people were buying the truck at the same time.
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It just happens.
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And unfortunately.
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The other salesperson sold that truck.
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A minute or two before he was able to.
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Put his deal together.
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And he snapped.
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He was sympathetic.
00:11:11.240 --> 00:11:15.289
And his heart was full and he felt for the customer, but he embodied.
00:11:15.620 --> 00:11:16.789
Their struggles.
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And because of that.
00:11:19.549 --> 00:11:21.019
He almost made a bad decision.
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He almost snapped.
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And quit.
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a lucrative job, something that he's laid the foundation for for many, many years.
00:11:29.629 --> 00:11:32.779
And once the dust settled I sat down with them.
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And said.
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You got to.
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Emotionally tied in that deal.
00:11:39.259 --> 00:11:40.549
It's not that you don't care.
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You do, but here's the challenge.
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Your job is to provide a services solution.
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That's what they came to you for.
00:11:48.649 --> 00:11:53.990
And so it's not like they're just not going to buy anything, ever help them be empathetic.
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She wants him to have a nice truck find that nice truck for him.
00:11:59.309 --> 00:12:00.690
And you're going to often find.
00:12:01.740 --> 00:12:03.450
That what you offer.
00:12:04.049 --> 00:12:05.009
Is better.
00:12:06.120 --> 00:12:07.440
Than what they initially set out for.
00:12:07.470 --> 00:12:13.679
And there's, they're like, there's a rhythm to life and they're like, Kinda glad man, that, that other truck.
00:12:14.159 --> 00:12:15.029
We didn't get.
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It's what happens in life?
00:12:17.429 --> 00:12:18.929
And so that's your job.
00:12:19.500 --> 00:12:21.690
Is when things seem to blow up.
00:12:22.139 --> 00:12:24.059
And it all goes awry.
00:12:25.379 --> 00:12:27.899
Can you get back in the game quicker?
00:12:28.559 --> 00:12:29.820
And be empathetic.
00:12:30.679 --> 00:12:34.110
and provide a solution, give them other options to consider.
00:12:34.470 --> 00:12:36.299
Because that's exactly what they're going to do.
00:12:36.539 --> 00:12:39.990
Your, customer's not going to just quit and not buy anything.
00:12:40.769 --> 00:12:42.509
But they're not going to buy from you.
00:12:43.320 --> 00:12:45.210
If you stay in sympathy, land.
00:12:45.870 --> 00:12:49.259
And you just get sucked into this and you're just a soup of emotions.
00:12:50.370 --> 00:12:54.120
You're making the situation worse and the worst thing you can do.
00:12:54.960 --> 00:12:58.259
Is to be so sympathetic with your customers.
00:12:58.649 --> 00:12:59.759
With the loved one.
00:13:00.149 --> 00:13:01.590
With someone you're leading.
00:13:02.549 --> 00:13:04.590
Is that they walk away.
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As bad or maybe even worse.
00:13:08.730 --> 00:13:10.080
Then how they came to you.
00:13:10.500 --> 00:13:12.570
People should walk away, empowered.
00:13:12.870 --> 00:13:15.330
People should walk away with options.
00:13:15.990 --> 00:13:17.250
After they encounter you.
00:13:19.000 --> 00:13:20.019
Encounter.
00:13:20.529 --> 00:13:21.250
Empathy.
00:13:21.909 --> 00:13:22.929
Empowerment.
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They encounter you a professional.
00:13:26.700 --> 00:13:29.250
You strain the things that don't belong.
00:13:29.909 --> 00:13:35.490
And you keep only the things that are relevant to provide a service or solution.
00:13:37.320 --> 00:13:39.000
And then you give them the empowerment.
00:13:39.450 --> 00:13:42.509
The guidance, the steps necessary.
00:13:43.610 --> 00:13:45.139
To get their situation better.
00:13:45.679 --> 00:13:46.100
All right.
00:13:46.250 --> 00:13:47.269
So when you're in.
00:13:48.440 --> 00:13:49.519
The heat of the moment.
00:13:51.019 --> 00:13:56.600
If you find that you're snapping at other people, when they're trying to offer you guidance, you probably to sympathetic.
00:13:57.139 --> 00:14:03.019
If you find that you become argumentative with someone personally, professionally.
00:14:03.649 --> 00:14:05.480
You're probably being sympathetic.
00:14:06.169 --> 00:14:09.289
And you need to have the ears of empathy.
00:14:10.120 --> 00:14:11.600
and be more empathetic.
00:14:12.440 --> 00:14:14.419
I identify with their issue.
00:14:15.320 --> 00:14:17.809
And less sympathetic zoom out.
00:14:18.710 --> 00:14:21.200
Don't get so close to the fire.
00:14:22.009 --> 00:14:23.450
That you can't help them.
00:14:24.720 --> 00:14:25.799
Find a solution.
00:14:26.220 --> 00:14:27.330
That's what you're here for.
00:14:28.000 --> 00:14:28.299
All right.
00:14:28.299 --> 00:14:28.990
Let's get out of here.
00:14:29.049 --> 00:14:30.399
Thanks for sharing today's episode.
00:14:30.399 --> 00:14:30.970
Keep it simple.
00:14:30.970 --> 00:14:31.539
Keep it moving.
00:14:31.539 --> 00:14:32.080
Never settle.
00:14:32.080 --> 00:14:33.149
Stay tough peace.
00:00:00.209 --> 00:00:00.479
All right.
00:00:00.479 --> 00:00:01.050
3, 2, 1.
00:00:01.050 --> 00:00:01.560
Let's get it.
00:00:01.560 --> 00:00:03.299
Let's talk about the difference.
00:00:04.769 --> 00:00:09.570
And the utility of being empathetic versus sympathetic.
00:00:10.199 --> 00:00:11.490
And I've seen.
00:00:12.630 --> 00:00:15.269
Many things get worse.
00:00:16.140 --> 00:00:18.719
Because a salesperson.
00:00:19.230 --> 00:00:19.980
A parent.
00:00:21.510 --> 00:00:22.289
Friend.
00:00:23.219 --> 00:00:24.899
Is more sympathetic.
00:00:25.469 --> 00:00:27.390
When they should be empathetic.
00:00:28.449 --> 00:00:31.629
And I'm going to use sales as a metaphor because that's what I do.
00:00:31.629 --> 00:00:36.310
And I believe we're all selling our way through life, but swap out whatever the circumstances are.
00:00:36.310 --> 00:00:38.049
If you're in sales, you could use this.
00:00:38.619 --> 00:00:41.979
If you're in a sales encounter, you could use this.
00:00:42.280 --> 00:00:49.600
But also if, if you're just, you know, talking to one of your kids are you're talking to a loved one or a friend.
00:00:50.350 --> 00:00:53.170
It's important that you have the ears.
00:00:53.710 --> 00:00:54.850
Of empathy.
00:00:55.659 --> 00:01:02.079
And not the mindset of sympathy and it doesn't mean that you're cynical.
00:01:02.079 --> 00:01:04.299
It doesn't mean that you don't care.
00:01:04.719 --> 00:01:05.799
It's that.
00:01:06.280 --> 00:01:09.609
You're there to provide a service or solution.
00:01:10.689 --> 00:01:11.019
All right.
00:01:11.019 --> 00:01:12.069
And you gotta remember that.
00:01:12.069 --> 00:01:14.439
And sometimes we lose sight of that mission.
00:01:15.099 --> 00:01:17.289
Because we're more sympathetic.
00:01:17.978 --> 00:01:19.750
And we're less empathetic.
00:01:20.280 --> 00:01:21.629
Now there's no place.
00:01:22.230 --> 00:01:23.730
For cynicism.
00:01:24.810 --> 00:01:26.310
And there's.
00:01:27.150 --> 00:01:28.469
Not a lot of room.
00:01:29.459 --> 00:01:30.239
For.
00:01:30.959 --> 00:01:32.670
Being sympathetic.
00:01:33.780 --> 00:01:38.099
And again, you hear this and you're like, oh, I'm just supposed to just middle finger everybody.
00:01:38.129 --> 00:01:38.670
No.
00:01:38.969 --> 00:01:40.739
That's not what I'm talking about.
00:01:41.189 --> 00:01:43.500
I'm talking about number one, cynicism.
00:01:43.530 --> 00:01:45.209
We only have to go there on that.
00:01:45.209 --> 00:01:48.000
You understand you don't need to be jaded and hard.
00:01:48.239 --> 00:01:50.459
I don't care how many rejections you go on through.
00:01:50.640 --> 00:01:51.028
I don't care.
00:01:51.028 --> 00:01:56.248
What's going on with how tough your month has been or what's going on in your life right now?
00:01:56.969 --> 00:02:00.629
Look being cynical with everybody that ain't gonna get you nowhere.
00:02:00.989 --> 00:02:04.558
But also being overly sympathetic.
00:02:04.769 --> 00:02:07.319
You think your heart and your heart are hearts.
00:02:07.528 --> 00:02:12.629
You think that you're doing something good when in fact you're making the situation worse.
00:02:13.120 --> 00:02:30.069
, because your sympathetic sympathy can, can kill a deal just as fast as cynicism can, because when you're sympathetic, there's a high degree of emotions and those emotions are so stirred up.
00:02:30.430 --> 00:02:32.259
That when your sympathetic.
00:02:32.620 --> 00:02:37.900
You actually embody the emotions of what that other party is feeling.
00:02:38.259 --> 00:02:40.960
So one party came in.
00:02:41.590 --> 00:02:43.750
In a bad situation in their life.
00:02:44.289 --> 00:02:51.669
And now you got two because you're sympathetic and you went down the rabbit hole with them.
00:02:52.030 --> 00:02:53.830
And this then turns.
00:02:54.250 --> 00:02:55.330
And gets jaded.
00:02:55.659 --> 00:02:57.159
And gets revengeful.
00:02:57.430 --> 00:03:00.939
And I mean, you think about your friends, a lot of friends.
00:03:01.750 --> 00:03:02.740
Seek out.
00:03:03.099 --> 00:03:05.740
People who are sympathetic toward their needs.
00:03:06.069 --> 00:03:16.449
And so they go and they conspire and they drink and they, it just, the situation just gets more and more toxic and they leave worse than how they came.
00:03:16.900 --> 00:03:18.729
And this is true in sales.
00:03:18.759 --> 00:03:23.710
This is true in life so that's why I say, man, you need to swap these things up.
00:03:24.400 --> 00:03:25.240
You are here.
00:03:25.240 --> 00:03:27.550
You have to understand this as a salesperson.
00:03:28.180 --> 00:03:30.219
As a parent, as a friend.
00:03:30.879 --> 00:03:31.930
You're there.
00:03:32.919 --> 00:03:34.090
To show empathy.
00:03:34.210 --> 00:03:37.360
Empathy is a psychological alignment.
00:03:38.139 --> 00:03:40.180
With the way that they're feeling.
00:03:41.590 --> 00:03:47.349
But you distance yourself from the sympathy where you go down that channel with them.
00:03:47.979 --> 00:03:49.210
And so your job.
00:03:49.599 --> 00:03:52.360
Is to actually stay zoomed out.
00:03:52.689 --> 00:03:54.699
Identify with your emotions.
00:03:55.719 --> 00:03:57.430
And thoffer for guidance.
00:03:58.000 --> 00:03:59.229
To provide a solution.
00:04:00.389 --> 00:04:01.409
There are going to be customers.
00:04:01.409 --> 00:04:04.919
I'm amazed, man, 20 going on 27 years now in sales.
00:04:05.400 --> 00:04:13.979
I'm amazed of how many customers will actually just share their entire life with me, dude, I meet them five minutes later.
00:04:14.219 --> 00:04:19.649
They're opening up and telling me not only of their whole life, but also.
00:04:20.199 --> 00:04:22.410
their current ailments sometimes, man.
00:04:22.860 --> 00:04:23.910
That's a good thing.
00:04:23.939 --> 00:04:30.689
And I have to be reminded of that I'm trustworthy enough to open up and dude they say a lot of things?
00:04:31.540 --> 00:04:36.279
But also I have to be mindful that I'm there to provide.
00:04:36.629 --> 00:04:37.569
a service.
00:04:38.230 --> 00:04:39.189
And a solution.
00:04:40.180 --> 00:04:43.870
And so I've got to be able to hear what they say.
00:04:44.620 --> 00:04:46.779
But I've got to filter that out.
00:04:48.250 --> 00:04:49.389
And only keep.
00:04:51.069 --> 00:04:52.689
What aligns with.
00:04:53.980 --> 00:04:56.050
The service or solution that I have to offer.
00:04:56.410 --> 00:05:03.279
And if I'm not that person that can provide that for them, if what they came for, filter that out.
00:05:03.939 --> 00:05:08.620
And I can't provide that, then I can refer them to someone who can do that.
00:05:09.160 --> 00:05:10.149
And then I can.
00:05:10.660 --> 00:05:12.819
Again, I'm empathetic.
00:05:13.750 --> 00:05:15.670
I'm aligned with your emotions.
00:05:15.850 --> 00:05:18.100
I'm aligned with your situation.
00:05:19.120 --> 00:05:20.319
But I'm going to.
00:05:21.100 --> 00:05:23.980
Guide you in the right direction, whether it be.
00:05:24.220 --> 00:05:32.500
Toward me toward fulfilling that solution or towards someone else who is better equipped to help you in that situation.
00:05:33.649 --> 00:05:40.430
And that's what you got to think about, man is, do you have the empathetic ears in situation?
00:05:41.069 --> 00:05:43.158
Or are you getting sucked in?
00:05:44.079 --> 00:05:48.019
in being sympathetic, you've got to be able to zoom out.
00:05:48.050 --> 00:05:50.360
You've got to be able to provide a solution.
00:05:50.629 --> 00:05:52.319
It's the same sort of situation.
00:05:52.800 --> 00:05:56.970
If you're a leader now I'm sitting here thinking about it when you're leading a team.
00:05:57.569 --> 00:05:58.740
You can't be.
00:05:59.160 --> 00:06:00.600
Mr sympathetic.
00:06:00.899 --> 00:06:01.470
Or Mrs.
00:06:01.470 --> 00:06:02.310
Sympathetic.
00:06:02.670 --> 00:06:05.399
You have to be empathetic.
00:06:06.029 --> 00:06:09.180
Aligning with the pulls the struggles.
00:06:09.660 --> 00:06:12.689
But then also you got to fulfill a mission.
00:06:13.529 --> 00:06:16.199
You have to provide a solution.
00:06:16.379 --> 00:06:18.720
You're there to lead the company.
00:06:19.500 --> 00:06:20.579
In a productive.
00:06:21.569 --> 00:06:22.860
Positive manner.
00:06:23.759 --> 00:06:31.350
And so the only way that you're going to be able to do that, Is being more empathetic and less sympathetic.
00:06:32.040 --> 00:06:33.389
I mean, look at it like this.
00:06:33.480 --> 00:06:35.160
Let's just take us out of the mix.
00:06:35.610 --> 00:06:37.350
You wouldn't want a doctor.
00:06:38.040 --> 00:06:39.300
Who is sympathetic.
00:06:41.819 --> 00:06:49.379
Somebody who, when you tell them your pain points, when you just bleed your heart out to them.
00:06:50.009 --> 00:06:53.069
Would you want that doctor to just go down the shit hole with you?
00:06:53.850 --> 00:06:57.180
And just, y'all just be too soupy messes.
00:06:57.269 --> 00:06:57.870
No.
00:06:58.199 --> 00:07:01.500
You want an empathetic doctor who listens to what.
00:07:02.100 --> 00:07:03.600
Your situation is.
00:07:04.199 --> 00:07:05.819
Who identifies with it?
00:07:06.629 --> 00:07:09.000
But then he recommends a solution.
00:07:09.420 --> 00:07:11.699
He provides some necessary steps.
00:07:12.399 --> 00:07:16.329
That can help you out of your situation and you leave the doctor's office.
00:07:17.228 --> 00:07:18.158
Better.
00:07:19.269 --> 00:07:20.288
More confident.
00:07:20.829 --> 00:07:21.819
And hopeful.
00:07:22.360 --> 00:07:23.529
That this is going to work.
00:07:23.800 --> 00:07:25.959
That's the same thing your customers need.
00:07:26.199 --> 00:07:28.300
That's the same thing your child needs.
00:07:28.509 --> 00:07:29.560
That's the same thing.
00:07:29.560 --> 00:07:30.639
A loved one needs.
00:07:30.879 --> 00:07:32.978
That's the same thing a friend needs.
00:07:33.218 --> 00:07:35.560
That's the same thing your employee needs.
00:07:36.810 --> 00:07:37.889
They don't need.
00:07:39.610 --> 00:07:40.980
two just like them.
00:07:41.699 --> 00:07:43.470
They need to walk away from you.
00:07:45.000 --> 00:07:46.050
More confident.
00:07:46.529 --> 00:07:49.230
Hopeful based on your recommendations.
00:07:49.740 --> 00:07:51.300
Because you were empathetic.
00:07:51.569 --> 00:07:54.439
You, you understood what they were going through.
00:07:54.889 --> 00:07:56.269
You filtered out.
00:07:56.629 --> 00:08:00.800
Some of the stuff that really didn't have anything to do with the solution.
00:08:01.279 --> 00:08:03.170
And service that you offer.
00:08:03.560 --> 00:08:07.100
And they walk away more confident, hopeful.
00:08:08.329 --> 00:08:09.290
And empowered.
00:08:09.680 --> 00:08:11.389
You realize that empathy?
00:08:11.810 --> 00:08:24.560
Is empowerment, not only for yourself, but also for others as well, because when you can confidently filter that, that filter out the things that don't belong.
00:08:25.579 --> 00:08:27.290
And you keep it on track.
00:08:27.620 --> 00:08:30.560
And you provide a solution based on empathy.
00:08:31.750 --> 00:08:38.470
It's empowering because not only did you provide the solution, but you help them walk the steps.
00:08:39.490 --> 00:08:40.570
Toward getting there.
00:08:40.629 --> 00:08:41.289
My wife.
00:08:41.289 --> 00:08:42.549
He owns a gym.
00:08:43.039 --> 00:08:45.200
When she first opened, she was sympathetic.
00:08:45.470 --> 00:08:46.460
They came in.
00:08:47.149 --> 00:08:48.799
Just a hot mess.
00:08:49.460 --> 00:08:54.649
But she would come home just drained because she became them.
00:08:55.399 --> 00:09:00.230
When instead, what she's had to learn is she had to be empathetic.
00:09:01.159 --> 00:09:03.470
Identifying with the struggles.
00:09:03.470 --> 00:09:07.549
their everyday struggles, the challenges that they have as a woman.
00:09:08.149 --> 00:09:09.830
Because it's an all women's gym.
00:09:10.669 --> 00:09:14.059
And she provides the necessary steps.
00:09:14.419 --> 00:09:17.320
For them to get their mental and physical health.
00:09:17.529 --> 00:09:20.379
And so she builds women from the inside out.
00:09:20.559 --> 00:09:24.070
She believes in getting those things straightened out.
00:09:25.090 --> 00:09:26.649
And the way that she does that.
00:09:26.980 --> 00:09:29.049
Is empowering them to come in.
00:09:29.529 --> 00:09:31.659
And work out, bust a sweat.
00:09:31.960 --> 00:09:38.889
They start feeling better about themselves and things begin to change within and around those women.
00:09:38.889 --> 00:09:39.940
That's empowering.
00:09:39.970 --> 00:09:41.409
See what I'm talking about?
00:09:41.679 --> 00:09:46.210
And you got to think about this, and this is, this is why I'm bringing you this episode.
00:09:46.480 --> 00:09:47.980
How many times.
00:09:48.519 --> 00:09:51.789
Are you sympathetic and you make the situation worse.
00:09:51.940 --> 00:09:52.840
Good intentions.
00:09:52.870 --> 00:09:53.470
I get it.
00:09:53.980 --> 00:09:57.279
When you should instead be more empathetic.
00:09:57.639 --> 00:10:00.039
Psychologically identifying with.
00:10:00.970 --> 00:10:04.059
The pain points, the needs, the struggles.
00:10:04.600 --> 00:10:09.909
But then also never losing sight of the mission of providing a service or solution.
00:10:10.360 --> 00:10:12.190
In a way that only you can offer.
00:10:12.879 --> 00:10:13.720
That's the thing.
00:10:14.659 --> 00:10:17.809
I had a salesperson the other day, man, that almost quit.
00:10:18.409 --> 00:10:20.090
He was overly sympathetic.
00:10:20.720 --> 00:10:24.110
And so he was working with a customer, the wife called.
00:10:25.190 --> 00:10:29.090
Her husband just got diagnosed with stage four cancer.
00:10:29.509 --> 00:10:33.440
And so she selected a truck and she was like, I want this to be.
00:10:33.919 --> 00:10:34.759
His truck.
00:10:36.049 --> 00:10:38.389
This this'll probably be the last truck he owns.
00:10:39.649 --> 00:10:42.799
And for 40 days, man, that truck had been sitting there.
00:10:43.250 --> 00:10:46.759
Nobody didn't work any deals on it or anything like that.
00:10:46.759 --> 00:10:47.960
What's the odds.
00:10:48.769 --> 00:10:53.190
That that day two people were buying the truck at the same time.
00:10:54.360 --> 00:10:55.350
It just happens.
00:10:55.860 --> 00:10:56.909
And unfortunately.
00:10:57.269 --> 00:10:59.820
The other salesperson sold that truck.
00:11:00.309 --> 00:11:04.179
A minute or two before he was able to.
00:11:05.019 --> 00:11:06.009
Put his deal together.
00:11:07.480 --> 00:11:08.289
And he snapped.
00:11:08.889 --> 00:11:10.240
He was sympathetic.
00:11:11.240 --> 00:11:15.289
And his heart was full and he felt for the customer, but he embodied.
00:11:15.620 --> 00:11:16.789
Their struggles.
00:11:17.539 --> 00:11:18.830
And because of that.
00:11:19.549 --> 00:11:21.019
He almost made a bad decision.
00:11:21.019 --> 00:11:21.980
He almost snapped.
00:11:22.340 --> 00:11:23.090
And quit.
00:11:23.580 --> 00:11:28.759
a lucrative job, something that he's laid the foundation for for many, many years.
00:11:29.629 --> 00:11:32.779
And once the dust settled I sat down with them.
00:11:33.559 --> 00:11:34.190
And said.
00:11:35.659 --> 00:11:36.350
You got to.
00:11:37.190 --> 00:11:39.049
Emotionally tied in that deal.
00:11:39.259 --> 00:11:40.549
It's not that you don't care.
00:11:41.029 --> 00:11:42.799
You do, but here's the challenge.
00:11:43.970 --> 00:11:46.429
Your job is to provide a services solution.
00:11:46.460 --> 00:11:47.899
That's what they came to you for.
00:11:48.649 --> 00:11:53.990
And so it's not like they're just not going to buy anything, ever help them be empathetic.
00:11:55.110 --> 00:11:58.419
She wants him to have a nice truck find that nice truck for him.
00:11:59.309 --> 00:12:00.690
And you're going to often find.
00:12:01.740 --> 00:12:03.450
That what you offer.
00:12:04.049 --> 00:12:05.009
Is better.
00:12:06.120 --> 00:12:07.440
Than what they initially set out for.
00:12:07.470 --> 00:12:13.679
And there's, they're like, there's a rhythm to life and they're like, Kinda glad man, that, that other truck.
00:12:14.159 --> 00:12:15.029
We didn't get.
00:12:15.659 --> 00:12:16.830
It's what happens in life?
00:12:17.429 --> 00:12:18.929
And so that's your job.
00:12:19.500 --> 00:12:21.690
Is when things seem to blow up.
00:12:22.139 --> 00:12:24.059
And it all goes awry.
00:12:25.379 --> 00:12:27.899
Can you get back in the game quicker?
00:12:28.559 --> 00:12:29.820
And be empathetic.
00:12:30.679 --> 00:12:34.110
and provide a solution, give them other options to consider.
00:12:34.470 --> 00:12:36.299
Because that's exactly what they're going to do.
00:12:36.539 --> 00:12:39.990
Your, customer's not going to just quit and not buy anything.
00:12:40.769 --> 00:12:42.509
But they're not going to buy from you.
00:12:43.320 --> 00:12:45.210
If you stay in sympathy, land.
00:12:45.870 --> 00:12:49.259
And you just get sucked into this and you're just a soup of emotions.
00:12:50.370 --> 00:12:54.120
You're making the situation worse and the worst thing you can do.
00:12:54.960 --> 00:12:58.259
Is to be so sympathetic with your customers.
00:12:58.649 --> 00:12:59.759
With the loved one.
00:13:00.149 --> 00:13:01.590
With someone you're leading.
00:13:02.549 --> 00:13:04.590
Is that they walk away.
00:13:05.970 --> 00:13:08.279
As bad or maybe even worse.
00:13:08.730 --> 00:13:10.080
Then how they came to you.
00:13:10.500 --> 00:13:12.570
People should walk away, empowered.
00:13:12.870 --> 00:13:15.330
People should walk away with options.
00:13:15.990 --> 00:13:17.250
After they encounter you.
00:13:19.000 --> 00:13:20.019
Encounter.
00:13:20.529 --> 00:13:21.250
Empathy.
00:13:21.909 --> 00:13:22.929
Empowerment.
00:13:23.230 --> 00:13:25.600
They encounter you a professional.
00:13:26.700 --> 00:13:29.250
You strain the things that don't belong.
00:13:29.909 --> 00:13:35.490
And you keep only the things that are relevant to provide a service or solution.
00:13:37.320 --> 00:13:39.000
And then you give them the empowerment.
00:13:39.450 --> 00:13:42.509
The guidance, the steps necessary.
00:13:43.610 --> 00:13:45.139
To get their situation better.
00:13:45.679 --> 00:13:46.100
All right.
00:13:46.250 --> 00:13:47.269
So when you're in.
00:13:48.440 --> 00:13:49.519
The heat of the moment.
00:13:51.019 --> 00:13:56.600
If you find that you're snapping at other people, when they're trying to offer you guidance, you probably to sympathetic.
00:13:57.139 --> 00:14:03.019
If you find that you become argumentative with someone personally, professionally.
00:14:03.649 --> 00:14:05.480
You're probably being sympathetic.
00:14:06.169 --> 00:14:09.289
And you need to have the ears of empathy.
00:14:10.120 --> 00:14:11.600
and be more empathetic.
00:14:12.440 --> 00:14:14.419
I identify with their issue.
00:14:15.320 --> 00:14:17.809
And less sympathetic zoom out.
00:14:18.710 --> 00:14:21.200
Don't get so close to the fire.
00:14:22.009 --> 00:14:23.450
That you can't help them.
00:14:24.720 --> 00:14:25.799
Find a solution.
00:14:26.220 --> 00:14:27.330
That's what you're here for.
00:14:28.000 --> 00:14:28.299
All right.
00:14:28.299 --> 00:14:28.990
Let's get out of here.
00:14:29.049 --> 00:14:30.399
Thanks for sharing today's episode.
00:14:30.399 --> 00:14:30.970
Keep it simple.
00:14:30.970 --> 00:14:31.539
Keep it moving.
00:14:31.539 --> 00:14:32.080
Never settle.
00:14:32.080 --> 00:14:33.149
Stay tough peace.